Today I feel sad and a little blue - quite a dark shade - and I'm not really sure why. I feel a little lost and out of sorts, not on-par with the rest of society. I don't know if it's the rain, which is likely as I'm very weather-dependent for my mood, or something out of kilter elsewhere that I can't identify.
I get these moods - as does everyone I suspect (written about eloquently by Tania Kindersley here and here) - but when you're in the mean reds, or even the furious fuchsia-pinks, it's hard to recognise that. So I've been snappy and a bit mean and perhaps not as nice as I would want to be towards the people I love. And hopefully they'll forgive me because that's what they do (quite often as it turns out).
I gave myself a good talking-to this morning - 'You'll turn out like your grandmother; no-one likes a meanie; it's your mood - take control of it' - but it hasn't quite done the trick. So I'm a bit lost still.
So last night comfort food of the most peculiar order. I always turn to cheese - so chicken, sauteed with anchovies, garlic, chilli and lots and lots of greens and samphire for health and then covered the lot with a particularly stinking Camembert slightly past its best. Rather like a carb-free raclette. And I'm not saying it was comfort food of the highest order (that might be macaroni cheese) but it was hot and melty and while the rain was pouring down, it made me feel a little better. But not much...