Monday, 5 October 2009

In which we 're-plump' the ageing process

Just a small rant... I'm not ever sucked in by adverts (see all that subliminal messaging waste of time...! and yet...) - particularly those dealing with beauty products (I'm wedded to my Liz Earle collection and LilyLolo mineral foundation and after that I'm fair game) and hair products. Frankly - as MCD notes, who calls it as he sees it - do I really want bamboo in my shampoo? What on earth can it add? A certain ability to snap and fray...?

We're now both quite baffled and amused by the torturous language the dear old advert copywriters use to get their product USP across, most of which seems to be how to defy the ageing process and get back that silky smooth skin of lost youth (Did anyone really have that - didn't we all have spots and over-enthusiastic sebaceous glands and eczema and god knows what? What skin memory are we trying to recover here?). Anyway, the sheer terror of ageing and wrinkles and bags and sunspots, ad nauseam has sent the copywriters quite into overdrive and panic has caused them commit such semantically outrageous sins as to make you want to clap your hands over your ears in horror.

Consider if you will my personal favourite 're-perfect'; as in 'this serum can re-perfect your skin texture, making it as smoothly oleaginous as a baby's nappy-rash-ridden backside.' Dreadful, no?

Or how about - last night's discovery - 'reversalist'; as in 'our reversalist moisturiser can now make you look like the pre-foetus collection of cells your lack of brain resembles.'

Or 're-support'; scaffolding for those bags.

Or 're-nutrition'; I'm starting to lose the will to live.

Or 'de-wrinkle'; you sad sack-eyed chump

Or the scary 're-plump'; ew. and aaargh....

Any others, put them down. It's not language, it's a crime.

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